Wednesday’s Wisdom: 30 Things To Stop Doing To Yourself

This list showed up on my Facebook feed several times, and different parts of it have stayed with me since I first read it. As I contemplate the past year as 2011 is slowly winding down,  I want to share these 30 things with all of you.

  1. Stop spending time with the wrong people
  2. Stop running from your problems.
  3. Stop lying to yourself.
  4. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner.
  5. Stop trying to be someone you’re not.
  6. Stop trying to hold onto the past.
  7. Stop being scared to make a mistake.
  8. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes.
  9. Stop trying to buy happiness.
  10. Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness.
  11. Stop being idle.
  12. Stop thinking you’re not ready.
  13. Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons.
  14. Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work.
  15. Stop trying to compete against everyone else.
  16. Stop being jealous of others.
  17. Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself.
  18. Stop holding grudges.
  19. Stop letting others bring you down to their level.
  20. Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others.
  21. Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break.
  22. Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments.
  23. Stop trying to make things perfect.
  24. Stop following the path of least resistance.
  25. Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t.
  26. Stop blaming others for your troubles.
  27. Stop trying to be everything to everyone.
  28. Stop worrying so much.
  29. Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen.
  30. Stop being ungrateful.


Of course, some of these resonate more strongly with you than others, depending on your current phase in life.

Read through them all again – s.l.o.w.l.y. –  then choose the three that resonate most strongly with you. If you like, share (and explain) your choices with us).

Here are my choices:

  • # 12
  • # 26
  • # 29

I’ll be back to explain my choices next week…



Filed under Wednesday's Wisdom

4 responses to “Wednesday’s Wisdom: 30 Things To Stop Doing To Yourself

  1. mine are #4 and #27…. I was taught to put yourself last.. and to take care of everyone else first… and I guess this has stuck with me for so long that I really dont know how to stop and do things for myself anymore. But i am working on that….I also work really hard to be everything to my kids, and my husband. I guess the two are connected. I am always putting their needs before my own .. no matter what it is to be everything for them. We all have issues… I guess it is our job to work on them as we get older and older.

    • Trina

      Thanks, Jo. I think that as women – and esp. as black women – you are right when it comes to looking out for other before looking out for ourselves. The importance of self-care is unfortunately under-rated.

      When we accept the importance of self-care, we not only keep our own batteries charged to better support those we love when they need our help, we are also better role models to the young women in our lives. That’s what it will take to break through this cycle.

  2. Mine are 8, 24 and 28. I remember reading an article a few weeks ago that talked about how negative events and things leave a much stronger impression on us than do positive ones, and I think 8 and 28 reflect my habit of sometimes dwelling too much on failures and potential failures. Hmm…I guess 24 has to do with failure too, because the path of least resistance also offers the least chance of failure.

    This was a good exercise! Looks like I need to do a little thinking about what I’m scared of failing at.

    • Trina

      I believe we have to make a conscious effort to bring balance to how negative and positive things affect us. It’s not always easy, because we’ve been conditioned to fear/feel ashamed of failure. That’s an intercultural thing, too. Whether it’s the Asian idea of “losing face” or the more Western notion of wanting to only be (associated with) the winner.

      On the other hand, the most successful people know that they are successful precisely because they didn’t let fear of failure stop them! Had they stopped the first time they failed, they would have never gone on to be successful. I made a short podcast a while back called “How Can You Succeed If You Don’t Make Mistakes?” that you may find interesting (

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